Our
caravan makes a circle with four other trees. They hold the circle
for us. There is a trine of rose quartz and the fourth holds a death
/ transformation alter. The canopy of branches reaches down to
embrace our little home in its arms. We feel held. We feel safe.
On
the second day we were here, we wanted to find a nice spot for our
caravan. We thought it would be nicely situated between two other
trees further up the path. After spending one night there, we woke
up, put the blinds up and felt the energy of the tree outside. It was
not happy. We thought that maybe it was an unhappy tree due to the
corking that it had undergone. On opening the other window and
observing the other tree, it also felt unhappy. There trees felt like
they could drop a heavy branch on us if the opportunity of wind
arose. Then the feeling came in that they were not happy because of
us. It was like they enjoyed the space between them, they enjoyed
being next to each other as friends, and we had just come and put our
caravan there! I really felt this intrusion into nature. So we moved
and thus found our sacred circle.
The
big indigenous trees here in Portugal are the Cork Oak. Harvested for
their cork very 10-15 years. It is a prime capital harvest from the
land. When their bark is removed it is known as 'skinning'. The
vision of anything being skinned invokes a sickening feeling, and I
have this too with these trees. Walking and driving around the
landscape, the trees are numbered to indicate which year they were
skinned and to know their next skinning year. Some trees look too
young for this. Many have cork taken from them above and beyond the
legal line on the trunk. These trees feel so different from trees
that have never been touched. Whilst out on a hike the other day, we
found a few trees that had never been skinned and they looked
incredible. Full, vibrant, happy and healthy compared to their
comrades on the adjacent field who appeared as slaves. For some great
Oaks, this is too much and they die before their time.
As
we sleep and awaken each day in the embrace of our tree circle,
nature is doing its work. Just by being here, I cannot help but
observe at every glance the wilderness, pure wild life-force
enlivening my senses 24/7. As I am relaxing into my surroundings, the
more I feel the vibration of this land. Its pretty hard to avoid to
be honest!
I
feel held by nature I feel welcomed by mother earth, I feel invited
to dive into the deep current of pure life. Real life. In saying
'yes' to this invitation, I am beginning to feel the 'oneness' that
is so often talked about in 'spiritual' books and teachings. I never
though this could be so true. To feel such a deep connection to the
wild.
And
so the trees are here. And I feel them so much. I feel their support
and unconditional love.
The
other day, I felt a big anger rising inside of me. This is an ongoing
subject for me since about 8 months, as I pealed back another
internal layer and realised that I had been suppressing my anger for
pretty much all my life. So there is a lot to be released! I am
learning where it is coming from, where it is in my body, what my
triggers are, and how to feel and allow a healthy anger to be
expressed within myself, no longer suppressing.
After
shouting in a princess rage, with the deep source feeling like a
patterning from the past. I sat in a huff eating an orange. I could
feel the need to release arising. I felt drawn to go over to the
other side outside the circle. The top of the land that leads into
the valley. From here I could see far across the misty morning
landscape. From here I could scream. My conditioned mind was still
trying to stop me, 'No you can't do that! You can't just scream out
loud, what a fool of yourself you will make'. But again I felt the
land would hold me, and it did. Three large, long screams from deep
inside. Over the valley, into the bushes and trees. Taken from me and
given back to the land. Such and incredible feeling. It felt like
nature could take it. She is so powerful here, she can take me. Here
mother Earth has the strength to hold me. It does not feel the same
as if I would shout at a concrete surrounded tree in a city.
The
invitation was not over at the final scream. There was more. After
the verbal expression, the second round of anger came in a wave of a
need to express physically. I was trusting my intuition. I wanted to
beat the hell out of the bushes in front of me. But I thought, 'I
could not do this, this is not the 'done thing' to do!'. I did it. I
paced across the tree circle to the pile of branches, found my weapon
and went back to the bushes and beat them. Such rage, such force,
such anger releasing from deep within. I stopped to tune into the
nature, she could take it. She took it for me. She was saying 'yes'
to me.
Then
I turned round and beat the ground, as the branch was breaking into
small pieces, I took each broken piece and kept beating until it was
all gone. Adrenalin. Release. From inside I could feel doors
unlocking to my seat of fire.
Then
came the silence. The sorrow. Down to the ground she absorbed the
tears that came from deep inside my belly.
I
find it hard to describe what happened. But it was pure. What an such
a powerful experience to feel so held and loved. The feeling that the
nature was there for me, she could absorb my pain, taking my anger
and dissolving it back into pure life.
Wow. The invitation to experience my suppressed anger I have never aloud myself to show or express for fear of being abandoned or not being loved if I show everything I need to express as it moves through me. Nature does not abandon me. My true nature does not abandon me, and with Mother nature I am guided back to experience my true wild self in authenticity. On the road to who I really am ... finally.
I
am humbled by the power. I am humbled by these wise old trees that
still stand here and welcome me with open arms. Inviting me to show
my wild self. Letting me know I will still be loved if I show myself.
That it is okay to be angry. That there is space for me too.
Nature
is such a powerful force. I am drawn in. She hold me. I melt. I am experiencing natural life like never before
here, and from here it will go beyond.
It is seeing and
practising ways of choosing love over winning or being 'safe'. Loving
can than be letting go of old patterns or stepping back from struggle
because it is more important for your and possibly others' well being
for the heart to stay open.
'Love Living' is all
about waking up to your own true life after you have realized that
the old doesn't work for you any more. It is creating a full and
nurturing life fitting and connected to you and your Soul's path. It
is a life that makes your heart jump and gets your juices going. It
is building the life that you love to live, one that is worth waking
up to, one that makes you come alive and therefore more sensitive for
all the beauty and human experiences.
Love Living Love ~ The
Soul awakened walking through life as love
